If love is weakness, may I be weak with you
by Marineke
Summary: Clarke is leaving camp Jaha, and Lexa intends on getting her somewhere safe when she finds her. However, she's not the only one who wants to get hold of Clarke. These people, nonetheless, may be quicker and more malicious than Heda. Maybe love is weakness for the Commander, but it is love that will help her find her Clarke and get her back. No matter the cost
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

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« May we meet again »

These words were pounding in her ears. Clarke was walking away from camp Jaha, and every step she took felt like a stab. The further she was, the stronger was the pain. She couldn't bear to look back. She couldn't. She wasn't strong enough to see her people getting in action without her. Nor was she able to bear the sight of Bellamy, especially the sadness she would have seen in his eyes. She was walking from her people, her family, and her friends. Suddenly, all those faces came to her. Raven, Octavia, Jasper, Monty, Lincoln and… her mother.

She had thought about leaving since she pressed the lever, since she killed thousands of innocent people. But it hurt all the same. The fact that she was actually walking away from all these people she fought so hard to protect was already killing her. As it should.

When she was far enough, and sure that no one could find or see her, she let herself fall down against a tree. Her feet hurt, her back was sore from anxiety and her head was dizzy from sadness. As much as she could hate it, she let herself cry. Loudly. She screamed and hit the ground, searching for a way to get rid of the pain. She was thinking about Mount Weather, her people, Finn, and… Lexa. That last thought left her angrier than she already was. The memory of her walking away, of leaving Clarke and the others to die was unbearable. And Clarke knew that she shouldn't feel so betrayed and sad: it was war, and it was not personal. But she did, and that part scared her a bit. Why was Lexa's face as haunting as Finn's?

Eventually, Clarke fell asleep against that tree. Dried tears covering her cheeks, and dirt plastered on her hands and clothes. She didn't dream, or at least she couldn't remember. It was for the better, since she knew that for now on, dreams would more likely be nightmares.

In the middle of the night, she was woken up by the sound of wood cracking and leaves being touched. She immediately stood up, feeling her back hurting like hell. The sound stopped for a second, then continued. It was definitely the sound of someone, something, trying to be discrete. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest and she could tell her hands were shaking. She regretted not taking more ammo, since she was just carrying a loaded gun. That said gun was feeling heavy in her back pocket and she immediately got hold of it. She now felt more reassured, but not quite confident enough to go see who was there.

Anyway, after a time of patient waiting and listening, Clarke took a few step ahead to see if she could identify the source of the noise. There weren't any anymore. She was about to go back to her tree to get some more rest when a deer jumped right before her. She managed to restrain a scream and stumbled backwards, which made her fall harshly. She sighed, passing her hand over her forehead. That's when it hit her: how was she supposed to survive, without food? For as long as she had been thinking about leaving the camp, not once did she thought about how she was going to get something to eat. She glanced at her gun and immediately abandoned the idea of using it in order to hunt. The few bullets left would be precious for defense. She stared at the night sky (or what she could see of it) and, suddenly, stood right up again. She gazed at her watch and smiled. She had enough time left to go back to Mount Weather and get some supplies, since the Ark wasn't supposed to go there retrieve some before noon. She then ran in the mountain's direction, hoping she wouldn't cross the path of any wild animals, grounders or… sky people.

A few hours later, she got to mount weather without a scratch, and was able to get some food, clothes and health supplies. She then went a bit higher than the entrance, and made camp. There, she was able to see people coming without being seen, and she thought that watching her people come would probably make her feel better, even though she couldn't talk to them.

At this place, she felt safe. She even felt relieved from the heavy burden it was to be a leader, to be ready to sacrifice people's lives for their cause. She was pleased that she wouldn't have to give orders anymore, nor to gain respect or to make horrible decisions that led her friends to hate her. It was all over, and even if it had a terrible cost, it was enough for now to make her smile. Maybe leaving wasn't that bad after all. She could find a tribe who didn't know her, and start over.. No more Lexas, no more grounders to worry about. Where she was, they could never find her, not that she thought they would want to.

Ô, couldn't she more wrong about that…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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It was dusk when Lexa finally got to Polis. Indra and Nyko were by her side, and her entire army was following them. The hammering sound of their steps was soothing, but the Commander wasn't soothed at all. She was tensed, visibly angry and hurt. But since she was the commander, no one would ask her about it. Indra, however, looked at her in a compassionate way that left Lexa unnerved. She hated it when she could see empathy in the eyes of her people. She wasn't supposed to inspire compassion, but respect and fear. That's why she decided not to look at anyone until they got to the capital.

When they did, she ordered Indra to make her arrival as discrete as possible. She wanted to go to her tent and rest before facing her people. She preferred being left alone for a while, and wanted Indra to make sure that no one would spread the word that the commander had arrived. Of course, the other woman did as she asked. And she was quite pleased to have such a respectful person under her command.

The minute she entered the tent, she got rid of her armor and her weapons. She knew that guards were protecting her anyway. She allowed herself to sit down, and she stared at the shadows on the floor, reliving the past few days. Making a deal with Mount Weather and leaving Clarke. That last thing was hurting more than it should. But what could she do now? Clarke was probably dead. And if she wasn't, she probably hated her like nobody else did. She didn't know which one was the worse.

She went to sleep without announcing her arrival to Polis, and she could see in Indra's eyes when she told her that she wasn't going to, that she didn't agree at all with this kind of behavior. However, she didn't have to, she only had to obey. That's what Lexa told herself when she got in her bed, in order to make herself feel a bit better about her actions.

The next morning, she was woken up by someone entering the tent loudly. She snorted, visibly upset by the noise and the entrance. However, the look on Indra's face – of course it was her – made her worry. She sat up and looked impassively at her, encouraging her to talk.

 _"News from our warriors watching camp Jaha, Commander "_ , she only said. It unnerved Lexa, because it clearly wasn't enough and Indra should know that she was going to ask more.

 _"And?"_

 _"All the sky people have come back to camp, they seem unharmed. However… "_

 _"However, what? You should know better than keeping information from me, Indra."_

 _"There's only one person who didn't made it to the camp, commander."_

It hit her suddenly, and Lexa could feel her heart stop beating for a moment. She knew it. She was dead. Nonetheless, her face was cold as stone. No way was she going to let Indra see what she felt.

 _" Clarke? "_

 _" Yes, Commander. It seems she's been banished. She went into the woods alone when they got to the camp."_

 _"Hm. Who's the warrior that followed her?"_

 _"No one followed her, Heda. You didn't give the order."_

 _"WHAT?! The order was to keep an eye on the sky people. If one leaves camp, therefore one of us is supposed to follow. Where was she heading?"_

 _"Mount Weather, Heda."_

 _"Good, call Nyko for me. And give me my armor, please. I'm going myself. "_

 _" With all due respect, commander, she's just one person. You should subordinate this. I don't think it's the commander's job to watch over a foreign girl. "_

 _"And it's not your job to question my decisions, Indra. I'm going. I'm tired of not doing anything, and she's my responsibility. Polis can wait. I've given up on her people, they need –she needs- an explanation. Plus, we still have a potential alliance with the sky people. So if I can regain that, I won't be going for nothing. "_

 _"Heda, our surviving lies on your actions. Our people need a commander they can look to, a commander that isn't led by their feelings but by their head."_

 _"You really shouldn't defy me, Indra. And, maybe life is more than just surviving. "_

At these words, Indra left the tent searching for Nyko. The woman was angry and disappointed in Lexa, but it wasn't her place to speak up her mind. She already regretted talking to the commander the way she did. Surely, she would pay the price later.

Lexa, however, didn't think about Indra's disrespect. All she could think about was keeping Clarke safe. And sadly she didn't trust her warriors enough to do so. She put on her armor and took her weapons: she was going.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

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It was practically noon, and Clarke had drifted to sleep for a few hours. She woke up, shaking up and still feeling nauseous because of the terrible nightmare she just had. She stretched her legs and shoulders, trying to recover some vitality. She was about to stand up when she heard voices. Voices she knew so well. It was Bellamy and Raven.

She leaned a bit further, so she could be able to see them. They were escorted by a few guards. They were all carrying big bags, obviously going to take as much food as they could. Clarke couldn't help but tear a little at the sight of her friends. They looked okay, even though they seemed to examine the woods, hoping they could find her. She closed her eyes for a bit, trying not to stand up and go back to them. She already missed them so much.

When she opened her eyes again, they were entering Mount Weather and she only could get a glimpse of Raven turning around one last time before going in. After she made sure no one was able to see her, she stood up and began to gather her things, though there was little to gather. Once it was done, she sat beside the bag she had and watched the forest ahead of her. She decided she was leaving. For good.

Lincoln once told her about a population living across the sea, and about another living the other side of the mountain. Since the first one was probably in touch with the grounders, she thought that her best shot was to try to go for the latter. And, actually, if it went badly, she didn't even care. She as well should die trying. She would die anyway if she stayed alone in those woods.

She waited until she saw the group leaving Mount Weather. This time, she came a little closer to catch a good sight of their faces, clothes, hair… Anything she was going to hold on to. She smiled a little when she saw Bellamy pause and look around, surely feeling that someone was watching. He would be great, even without her. He had good instincts and a good heart. And that thought comforted her a little.

Soon after they entered the forest, Clarke stood up again and grabbed her heavy bag. She looked at the forest one more time, kissing it goodbye with her eyes. She then turned away and started walking in the opposite direction. She had a long way ahead of her.

She was far from the forest now, but not near her destination either. Anyway, she was thirsty as hell and she could feel her stomach tore. She made a quick stop then to drink and eat something, being careful not to take too much of her stock. That's when she heard it. The sound of cracking wood, accompanied by quick footsteps. She didn't have the time to turn around. The last thing she saw was the floor getting closer to her face, as she felt something heavy crash on her skull. The last thing she felt was her own blood soaking the back of her hair. The last thing she heard was "We finally found her".

She collapsed to the floor, not even sure she was going to wake up. But sure that she deserved every bit of what was happening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

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Lexa was stressed out. Of course, she was protected by Nyko. But that wasn't what was worrying her. She was thinking about Clarke, all alone in these woods. The blond sure was capable of taking care of herself, she proved it a hundred times, but Lexa wasn't sure she was able to protect herself from all the dangers that were in this forest. That's why she didn't think twice before going.

They walked for so long that Lexa could not feel her feet anymore. Her back was aching and the hunger was slowing her down. Multiple times Nyko suggested taking a break, and every time Lexa found an excuse not to stop. She would not stop, not until she found Clarke.

Eventually, Nyko convinced her to stop for a little and she fell asleep. He knew he had to wake her up, because his commander's commands were to keep going. However, he was so tired himself that he cared little about the consequences and went to sleep as well. Not for long, though, since Lexa soon awakened and roused him brutally. She was not pleased, you could see it in her eyes and by the way her face was shut.

They hunted and ate a lot, in order to walk longer and faster. Lexa, however, didn't let themselves time to digest and practically took off running. The plan was clear: go to camp Jaha, find someone who saw Clarke leave, and then follow the signs that she would unconsciously have left.

They got to camp Jaha in one peace. Obviously, the place was heavily guarded and the sight of the two of them was not appreciated. All the guns were aimed at them, and the anger in their eyes was something that would have scared off a lot of people. But Lexa, as well as Nyko, were not _a lot of people._ She moved forward with confidence, looking through the gates, hoping she would see Bellamy, Octavia or Clarke's mother. The latter was already heading toward them, ordering the guards to lower their weapons. Lexa straightened her position, looking more like a ruler. She knew she was now seen as an enemy, so she let Abby talk first.

 _"What are you doing here, Commander? Your people were all set free, and we didn't do anything to stop it. You must admit that the alliance was not broken by our side. "_

You could hear concealed anger and maybe a bit of fear in her voice. That led Lexa to think that maybe this alliance could be not totally over. However, she didn't let it forget her primary goal: find Clarke.

 _"I haven't come to threaten you, Abby of the Sky people. I'm aware that our so called alliance was ruined by me and me only. You may not understand why I've done so, but this is not my concern. My concern is to keep my people safe. "_ She stopped, watching every sky people before she layed her eyes on Abby again. _"I've heard a rumor that I'd like you to confirm. My hunters said that Clarke was banished from your camp. Is that right?"_

 _"How dare y- No! Clarke went away because it was her choice to do so! If your people are your only concern, why did you come all this way to ask about my daughter? What if your hunters killed her and you're here to clear yourself from doubts?"_

 _"I believe, Abby, that I've proven that I'm not afraid of being held responsible for my acts. If it was the case, I would gladly tell you Clarke was dead by my commands. But she's not. I'm trying to find her, and I would like to know where she was heading when she was leaving."_

 _"No way I'm telling you where my daughter was going. Plus, no one knows. What proves that you're not planning on hurting her? Now, go away, Lexa. You're not welcomed here, and we've got nothing to offer you."_

" _I will find her,_ " She spoke louder, watching all the camp as if she was talking to everyone there, " _and I will not hurt her. With or without your help, Clarke will be found and kept safe. But there are two stories I would tell her. The first one is that her people let her down and didn't want her to be found, after all that she's done for them. The second is that her people understood that she had to leave, but wanted her to be safe anyway, and helped me catch her. I'm asking you, sky people, what is it that you want Clarke to believe?_ " She stood tall, silent, watching the gates where Abby was heading, not even listening to what she had said. She stayed there a few seconds, and then left, walking slowly toward the woods. She knew that at least one person was going to show up. And she knew exactly who.

A few hours later, as the camp was gently going to sleep, Nyko grabbed his weapon as he heard leaves and branches cracking. Lexa gestured him to calm down as she stood up, turning around to face the person that was approaching. She sighed, feeling relieved. She didn't make a mistake. There he was, standing, looking certain and confident.

Bellamy.

* * *

 **Note:  
** I'm sorry for the irregularity of my posts, but school right?  
Let me know what you think!  
I hope you like reading it as much as I like writing it. It's my first fanfic ever and English is not my first language, so be compassionate.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

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 **WARNING:** This chapter contains violence and really bad situations. If you're sensitive to blood, nudity or sexual abuse, please don't read it.

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When Clarke opened her eyes, she first felt disoriented and dizzy. Her head was hurting badly and she was feeling nauseous. When she was able to think past how bad she was feeling, she realized that her hands were tightly tied to a tree. All she could see then was darkness and a dying bonfire in the distance. Her heartbeat quickened and she tried to set herself free but her limbs were paralyzed from coldness. That's when it dawned on her that all she was wearing was her underwear, soaked with blood – hers. Where was she? She let out a deep groan and sight in despair. She didn't remember being captured. Was it the grounders?

A few minutes after she gained consciousness, someone stepped between her and the light of the fire. She could only see a man's shape, but it was enough to recognize who it was. It was worse than being confronted to Lexa and an army of grounders.

" _Do you remember me?"_ Emerson inquired.

Clarke didn't answer. She knew she would pay for what she did to his people; nonetheless she hated him for what he had done to hers. He asked her again, this time with anger. And since he got nothing from her, he slapped her had on the cheek. She let out a small noise of pain.

 _"If you're going to kill me, just get on with it"_ , was all Clarke said. She was braver than she thought she would have been in this kind of situation.

 _"You took the lives of hundreds of children, you took mine's. You murdered hundreds of wives. You will suffer as much as they did, and do what a hundred wives do. Only then, we will leave you to die. You thought we would make it easy for you?"_

Clarke's blood turned into ice. They were going to torture her. She wanted to tell him that she already suffered enough, but she knew it would only make it worse, so she remained silent. Emerson left, and she stayed alone all night. Eventually, she fell asleep.

She understood what Emerson exactly meant the morning after. There were 5 men around her when she woken up. They were throwing stones at her. One hit her temple and she immediately felt the vertigo taking over her. When they were done, they made a small and deep cut on her arm. She held back the tears, she didn't want them to see her cry and lose the only thing she still had: pride and bravery. It was explained later that they would do that every day until her limbs were nothing but scars. One man said that she would look like their hearts. She doubted it. She thought it was impossible they could have one. They left, and came back only to give her enough food so she wouldn't die before they were finished with her.

Clarke silently cried all day, every minute of when she was alone. When they came back, she finally could put a meaning to "the wife's job" that Emerson was talking about. Every mountain men came, one by one. The first took her clothes off and laid her on the ground, not even trying to lower the ropes that held her attached to the tree. She could feel her shoulders hurting and she hoped they would not break. She could feel her wrists bleeding heavily as the men raped her repeatedly. Emerson was the last of them. He said one thing, as he put back her clothes on her: _"We're lonely up here, and since we won't have a wife or a child anymore, you'll satisfy us as long as you can. That'll be your punishment for what you did."_

Clarke then was sure of two things: they didn't have a heart, and she wanted to die – soon.

* * *

 **Note:**

The chapters are quite short, I know. But it helps me to keep posting quite regularly. Plus, I don't want to add details and stuff in order to make long chapters. I think that everything that I want to say is in there, and that it holds the suspense better. Hope you liked it! xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

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 **WARNING:** This chapter contains violent scenes. Please be aware that it may not be suitable for younger persons, and people sensitive to subjects such as blood, torture and sexual abuse.

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It had been 4 days. 4 complete, long days since Clarke had been captured by what she called them now: savages. Once she thought the grounders were savages, but she was so wrong. Grounders sure had precarious methods and looked primal, but they had a moral code. These mountain men didn't. They tortured without thinking and took as their own anything that they wanted. Clarke was one of those things they wanted and now possessed.

It'd only been 4 days and she could actually feel the live seeking out of her body. She didn't even wrestle when they came at night anymore, nor did she scream when they made the 'ceremonial' cut every morning. She stopped fighting, simply because she knew that this time it would be different. This time, she was alone and there were no ways to escape her fate. She stopped crying as well. She only stared at the ground, waiting. The hunger didn't bother her anymore, she began to get used to it.

Clarke mourned so much camp Jaha, and she regretted not following Lexa's trail to Polis. Maybe spending time with her would have been painless than that. Lexa was the person she hated the most in terms of sentimentality, but she would have gladly chosen a hundred Lexas over one Emerson. Since she let her mind wander to the Commander, Clarke surprised herself by thinking kindly about her. She wondered if she had been hurt lately, if she mourned her as much as she mourned Costia. It dawned on her that Lexa actually could believe Clarke was dead. Despair took over her heart, because she knew that even if she didn't think so, she wouldn't bother to go and find Clarke. Clarke was alone. The man she loved the most was dead by her hands, and thinking so made her chest hurt. For 2 days and a half, that's the first time she let her face express the pain she was feeling. Thinking about Finn was too painful, but it was a good kind of painful. She knew he had done all of this for her, and she knew she helped him in the hand. Despite that, she would have killed more if it could bring him back. Hug him, smell him, touch his hair, and kiss him over and over again.

However, thinking about the good times she spent with Finn brought back Lexa to her mind. This was odd, because she wanted badly to see her dead. Nevertheless, their kiss popped up, and she almost smiled. She remembered how Lexa's presence was reassuring, comforting. Her confidence was a rock that Clarke could hold on to. Her aura was always soothing. She kind of missed her, even after everything that she had done. And Clarke wasn't ashamed to feel so, because she was certain to die soon enough. What good was it to deny what she felt? She felt compassion and love for Lexa, as well as hatred and anger.

At this point of the day, it was probably noon, someone came to Clarke. She could tell something was wrong, but they never approached before it was dark. She felt her body tense, and her eyes returned to their new natural state: hard, cold stone. It was one of Emerson's men. She didn't know his name, although she had seen him a lot… He seemed quieter than the others, maybe more in pain.

He had a knife in his hand, firmly holding on to it. That's when Clarke knew it was the time. He moved toward her, slowly, dangerously.

 _"You took everything I had, everything I loved. My 5 weeks-old baby!"_ he shouted. Clarke closed her eyes, and she didn't even bother to listen much. What difference would it make? She knew what she had done to these people, and now she knew she would die for it. She sighed almost in relief, and waited. He told her a few things, but she didn't quite catch what he was saying. He seemed to be crying and didn't make sense. She sensed he was now very close. She had a few seconds left.

She stopped caring about her soon to be murderer and thought about her mom, her friends, Finn and Lexa. She smiled, even. The guy put the tip of the knife against her heart and she thought "Just like Finn" and inhaled sharply: she was ready.

She waited, but the tip that was already making her skin bleed disappeared. She heard the man's body fall heavily to the ground.

She opened her eyes, and a giant sword was planted in the Mountain man's skull. She recognized the sword, how couldn't she? She then sighed, and let herself fall against the tree with true liberation.

 _"Lexa, you actually came for me_ " she only whispered, before she blacked out. She swear she heard an "awlays" come out of the brunette's mouth, but she couldn't be sure.

* * *

 **Note:**  
Once again, this chapter is very short. But as I explained it earlier, it helps me to write more often and hold the suspense. Though now there isn't much. Lexa and Clarke are reunited once again. How do you feel about that?  
Tell me what you think in the comments. xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

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Lexa's nerves were cracking. She was pacing in the second room of the medical tent. She heard tools being used, flesh being cauterized, and bandages being applied. And she wasn't allowed in. No one was. The healers had to be focused and have calm. But Lexa couldn't take it anymore. She entered without being invited, because she knew no one would dare speak up to her. She looked down on the wooden table, where Clarke was laying. From her point of view, the blonde looked dead. So she looked at the main healer with a dark eye. She didn't have to ask, since he spoke.

"She's going to be just fine, Heda. She's been heavily injured, and I've done everything I could. Her physical wounds will heal, but I'm not a magician. I won't be able to cure her psychological injuries. "

Lexa was shocked to see how the man spoke of Clarke this way. How could he assume she was hurt that bad? Clarke was strong, and she knew that she will get out of her misery quite soon.

She talked with the healer for a moment, but she had no time to waste. A meeting was held and she had to attend to it. She left, after she had rest her hand on Clarke's lap for a second. Even if she was sleeping, she hoped she had felt it. That she had felt she wasn't alone in this.

Clarke awoke a few hours later, with a serious headache. She sat immediately, breathing heavily, as she glanced circularly at the room. She saw 2 men and she backed off as soon as she did. She looked alarmed and panicked. Where was she? She didn't remember much, but she knew Emerson was dead. Now, she was in a tent, lied on an uncomfortable wooden table, surrounded by grounders. At this point, she thought that the nightmare would never stop. She stood up, leaving the table behind as well as the thin pillow they managed to give her. She tried to escape, to run out of the room. But Indra came in at the same time. Clarke almost screamed in shock and panic. She was having a panic attack. She really was broken.

Indra looked down at her and frowned. She wondered what was happening to Clarke, who she remembered so brave and bold. What could have ever happened to leave her in this state? Of course, the commander's orders were not to ask any questions about what happened to Clarke. So she didn't. She only handed Clarke some clean clothes – they were nice and noble clothes, for grounders. Clarke dropped them, shaking. Indra sighed but retrieved them for her and put them on the table.

 _"Heda wants you to put these on. She said you could take your time, she isn't in any hurry. She waits in her tent."_

Clarke looked confused and looked down, whispering to herself that Lexa was going to kill her after all. Maybe she was disappointed the mountain men didn't, and wanted to do it herself.

Then, the old healer put a hand on her shoulder, to which she responded by jumping back. But when she saw the old man's face, she knew he meant no harm. He looked calm, peaceful. She felt trust at first sight. He was the kind of man that inspired compassion and faith. So she looked at him, asking all the questions with her eyes. He smiled a little and simply nodded, slowly. It seemed like she wasn't their enemy in the end. At least, that's what it seemed. Maybe Lexa was thinking differently.

A few moments later, they all left so she could have some privacy while she changed. She put the clothes on, and she looked at herself in a large and blurry mirror. She looked actually nice – a bit savage and wild though. If it wasn't for the bruises and scars, she would look like a heroin.

When she was finally ready, even though she didn't felt ready, she got out of the tent. She tried her best to look confident and brave, although the sight of a man made her shiver and nauseous. Clarke followed Indra, who led her to the commander's tent. She even looked at Clarke with empathy before she let her in, maybe she had heard.

Clarke entered, and the second after her eyes adjusted to the lightning, she felt arms around her and hair tickling her nose and ears. Lexa was hugging her, carefully and softly. Clarke relaxed, because it meant she wouldn't have to die today either. She allowed her to hug Lexa, since she knew how she felt. She also felt anger and disbelief, but she wanted the bad feelings to stop. So she push those back for the moment, willing to enjoy the time she had with Lexa. Because one thing she knew for sure was that comfortable and quiet times didn't last long on earth. She had all the time in the world to speak about what happened in the Mountain, and right now she didn't want to think about anything that involved Emerson and his counterparts.

She looked up at Lexa, tears in her eyes. She felt the urge to defend herself, explain what happen to make sure Lexa didn't think she was with the Mountain Men by weakness.

 _"He came beside me and knocked me off, I- I didn't know… I tried to escape but- but … "_

 _"Shhh. I know. You don't have to justify yourself, Clarke. I know."_

 _"What am I gonna do? I've got nothing left; I will never be able to get over this. I've got no one."_

Lexa looked hurt by her words, but she didn't say anything. Of course Clarke didn't think about her the same way she did. Of course she didn't consider her as an option anymore. After all, she indeed left her to die in this mountain and Clarke had every right to be angry at her. But she didn't try to explain herself, nor did she intend to bring the subject before Clarke.

 _"You're not alone, Clarke. I'll do anything I can to make you feel better. I'll make it up to you, for what I've done. You'll be okay."_

 _"Since when do you care? How can I know it's not another fake promise? How do I know you're not lying, Lexa?"_ Clarke whispered, crying. She now was so despaired; she let all her feelings come out. Why bother holding it on? She looked at Lexa's eyes carefully, trying to find something to hold on to. She really wanted to believe her, because she was the only person she had left…

 _"Because… Because I care about you. You're my responsibility now."_

 _"What happened to the 'think with your head, not with you heart' thing, then? I thought you didn't let your feelings obstruct your judgment?"_

 _"Maybe with you it's different, Clarke. Please, stop asking this kind of questions."_

 _"Why? Why do I have to stop? What are you so afraid to say? What may I discover that is so terrible? You know what is truly horrible? What happened to me for 5 days. What these… these men did to me. THAT is terrible. That you left me to die without even thinking twice is terrible. So what could you possibly feel or think or have that is more terrible that all this? You weren't afraid to tell me you were leaving me all alone. So what is it you don't want me to know?! SAY IT! I'm tired of lies and secrets! I'm tired of everything, so stop. Just. Stop."_

 _"Clarke I… No, I did think twice. But I knew you would find a way. You always did. And some of my people stayed behind to make sure of that. Of course, you didn't know because they didn't have to help… Please, Clarke, you have to believe me. I'm telling you no lie, I promise. I'm here for you, and I won't let you down another time."_

Clarke was looking at her, visibly exhausted with this situation. She only wanted to have a simple life, a simple situation. She wanted all these betrayals, lies, wounds to disappear.

 _"And why? Why should I trust you on this?"_

Lexa stayed silent for a moment, biting her lips. Finally, she look into Clarke's eyes and readjusted her position: she raised her chin a little, looking more confident.

 _"Because I love you, Clarke."_ She said firmly.

* * *

 **NOTE:** This chapter is quite longer that the others, but I was feeling inspired. I hope you like it, even though there's no real action here. It will come, I assure you.


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